Violet, something has changed in you. Toward me. You’re distant, cold. I don’t know what I’ve done, but I’ll leave you alone from now on if that’s what you want to. Is that what you want? You know why I’d leave you alone? Because I care about your feelings more than mine. I love you. There, I said it - not just on some chalkboard. I would never let anybody or anything hurt you. I’ve never felt that way about anyone.
I thought I’d share an experience that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
You always hear of those witty ways people ask their date to prom. There’s always that girl who gets asked over the intercom or the guy with the mushy poem in his locker. I wanted to ask my boyfriend but I felt like it had to be special. Darn those romance films, right?
Well, I couldn’t think of a single way to ask him. He knew we were already going but his friends were nagging me to officially ask him and, let’s face it: every prom date deserves an official invite. It’s in the Customary Prom Rule Book. (I may have made that up.) Anyway, weeks passed and I still had nothing. I had already bought the tickets and they had already started setting up the Gatsby themed decor. Finally, on the day before prom, I had found my salvation in the entertainment aisle of Walmart. While browsing the electronics, I had come across a funny little version of the Polaroid camera, the Fujifilm Instax. It was then my plan began to emerge. It was as if Issac Newton came out of a tardis and threw an apple at my head (or a camera, more like). I wrote my babe a letter asking him to prom, as well as somewhat of a game. I put this letter in a bag along with the camera and film. This was his game.
I’ll keep most of what was in that letter private but I will tell you this: I had proposed a kind of treasure hunt. The camera contained ten blanks of instant film. In my letter, I wrote that he had to use up all of the film by the end of the night, with five of them having to be specific things. As you can see, one had to be with all his friends, another had to be of us at dinner, etc. It turned out to be quite an adventure, with everyone asking to see the camera. The film gave off a more permanent sensation. It was as if we were capturing our memories onto these plastic sheets.
That night turned out to be the best day of my high school career. People around the school knew that we were a couple but I had never publicly acknowledged my sexual orientation or relationship. I also wasn’t much of a PDA person. This night changed something inside me. Tommy had requested a Lana Del Rey song that was special to us and when the time came, we danced together. It took me awhile to realize after but since not many people knew the song, the dance floor had cleared out, leaving Tommy and I with around three other couples. Maybe all eyes were on us but I didn’t even notice because I was concentrated on the most spectacular moment in my life. I can’t remember who but one of my friends grabbed the camera and captured the most precious picture for me. I still keep it in my wallet.
The rest of the night unfolded like any prom should. With a big bang. Along with an incessant amount of balloons. The rest of the dance was a blur of pop music and food but I cherish what came after. The last two photographs are around 3AM. The first shows Tommy cooking bacon and eggs. I’m not sure why but bacon at three in the morning is heaven. Whoever’s reading this should try it sometime. The second photograph may very well have been around 5AM. After watching The Notebook, we had passed out in his bed. I forgot about the time but luckily, my parents hadn’t even woken up to find me gone. I said goodbye to a terribly drowsy Tommy and drove home. I can’t even remember hitting the bed.
If I were to think back to every high school event I ever attended, nothing would compare to what occurred that night. I couldn’t imagine anything that could have gone better. What were captured that night were memories. That was the point of the letter I wrote. I wanted to make memories with the very person dear to me at that moment. No one ever knows what the future will hold but in this place, this time, we made history. This isn’t history that will go into important historical books but it will live on in our thoughts.
This one is for Tommy. We won’t know how our relationship will play out in the future. We can never be sure what Father Time has in store but there is one thing I can tell you: On the 13th of April, I was the happiest person alive. This is a memory I can never forget. And whether time is good to us or not, this day will always be dear to me. And you will always be a part of my heart, bibs.
I hope we last a long time.
Quando ci s’incontra non bisognerebbe lasciarsi mai. Cioè vivere un rapporto continuo per ore, giorni, mesi o anni, senza separarsi neanche una volta. Perché quando ci si separa si pensa, si riflette, ci si strugge e invece bisognerebbe non pensare e viversi l’un l’altro. Dormire, mangiare,…